i feel incredably sick. i think its because my schedual got screwed up from the camp i went to for anti-racism. and by the way everyone this summer it turns out im not working in construction so instead im going to try to go to a camp to be a councilor for kids ya know? and you make them do all these activities and that'll be three weeks and ill work 2 days out of the week at my mosm work. other than that you all have to contact me to spend time with me becuase unfortunatly as most of you knwo you NEED a reservation in the summer to see me. also 1 week is saved for Bailey so thats about one month gone and about hmmm... i don't know ill figure it out. anyways the anti-racis program was great and i got to meet alot of new people. however i don't know who alot of them were either. and everyone loved me. ya i pimped it out with teh ladies and guys. when i got back though teh whoel dramma that i have going on here was in full swing and i can tell that ill say something thats straight foprward and not beating around the bush and alot of people will get mad. Age slept over last night. thats how bad it got. and oh man EVERYONE wants to rant to me. which is fine but everyone seems to eb having real issues. meh. i'll just go with the flow. lately i've been snaping on peopel who say that i don't understand what they're goign through. i freak out i mean Hayden pulled the "you don't understand! you don't know what it's like i mean my dad hates me and never has seen me and Rob is always yellign at me ..." and he went on. i just smiled and said "you really think that i don't have a clue? number one im not that dumb. i can reda through lines too. Rob is mentaly abusive sure but not phisacly. second you don't know much about my past. infact not alot of poepl do. i cover it up and don't let alot out so you can't even say bullshit like taht to me. everything your real dad and Rob has done my dad has done but if you really think your worst off then please i dare you, tell me another one because i bet you i could kick taht one to teh curb too." he didnt say anything. i can't tolerate his fake ass emo trips. My cuzin broke up with her boyfriend. i love her. i was the first person she called. She was soooo sad. i wanted to drive to her house and give her the biggest hug ever. she need me. in fact everyone did.... thats wheni realized otu of all my joking around... i really am liek a drug. im addicting and i have side affects. and people rely on me when they can't face reality. hmmm sounds liek a drug to me. the house is really clean. i have to clean the bathroom, my room, my living room, do laundery, wash the floors and ... i think thats it. it's raining. i love it. it smells really good and the rain always washes everything away and makes most people feel emotion that you can't normaly feel. yesterday i dressed like a morbid Alice in WOunder land. i looke dreally good. i should get going. i have alot to get done. if anyone wnats to talk just call my cell or house. if you don't know my number to either then call or ask my friends. Later Days! *~Ashley~*