His small fragile lips on hers.... never to be touched together again...

a thousand sharp pains matching the slue of a thousand unwanted fucks... how could you? how could you give up so willingly? how could you have never learned anything from this? and yet still you utter those soft words of love and "im sorry". but your not really are you? and my body shakes with pain from those words you soke so many time before, those selfish, heart-filled words. how dare you. how fucking dare you!

and whats worse how could you be so lost in all this? your always so willing to dive right in so why can't you? how could i be so lost in my own? in my self?

i feel so alone right now. and though i wish i could find my government perscribed little blue pills... you remember the ones dont you? the ones that make me see things, feel things... think things... things that could never exsist in this world? fuck. i wish i had them now more than ever... although i'd have to call someone tright away to make sure nothing bad happend. you know? save me from my self... isn't that right? isn't that always what you thought i should have?

i hate you for a million reasons yet right now all i can think of is one.... for not being able to let me go. And i know tomorow you'll come in here as if nothing happend... you won't even know what i wrote here... and you'll smile and want to have sex with me. you remember don't you? that thing we both know all to well..... i wish i had the nerve to spit in your face and tell you what a fucking bastard you are... but... i ....

.......................... i love you.

and ill always love you... it will never change. and maybe it hurts me to know that on my end it'll never change but you in time will forget me.

and here i sit... my body fucked up from tryign to do so many good things to it.... and fuck is it hard. its so easy just to abuse those petels.... ugh.