not many people know that i have adored Michael Jackson since i was 2. my mom likes telling the story of how she was flipping through the chanels on the TV and stopped on some interview or thing on him and as i was trotting by i stopped dead in my tracks and glued myself to the TV aperantly it had been like a 2 hour or more program and i didn't budge. i just adored him. i love his voice. and still through all these years his voice.... the way he sings is still me favorite. i just love teh sound. Anyways... he died saturday which was the 27th. ya.... i was really freakin sad. Garry: so garry and i in a fe wmonths will have bene together for a full year. and we will be doing an evaluation and sitting down to figure out our relationship. there are certain things that HAVE to change or at least be met half way other wise im walking. Garry is an amazing guy however there are some things that i NEED, i am not a very needy person in fact i am very independent so when i am feeling needy people should imbrace that. lately i've needed a little pick me up. and we had got into a huge fight. he had a second friend die. it hasn;t even been a year sonce his other friend died. anyways.... he was going through some pretty ruff shit emptionally and on the same level my job was on the verge of ending. i was going to be fired as well as a whole shit load of other stuff which i really am not going to list. anyways he pulled a "JAmes" and bitched at me about not being at our friend MAryna's house to say happy birthday to her. which he latered rembered that had never been the plan and that i actually had a school reunion type thing to go to. and just todya he told me that he has one now. im mad because i never got to go to mine and see everyone one last time and rubb it in their faces's that im not just some flat chested ugly nobody. oh well. i never needed their aproval anyways. but yes so we had a yelling match in the car and he apolojized for everything. he realized that i had been carrying more than my fair share. he is also finally disiplining his daughter more. he gets down with ehr at eye level and says no and tells her what she is doing wrong. which is good. he still gives into her being "cute" but we will take baby steps. he can give her stuff but her amount of being spoiled is a bitrediculous. Nick: well where to begin? we never really had our ups and downs untill now. well this past year or two really. i mean other than the crazy girls he has dated and never listend once to me about (which in the end i was always right) and even now when it comesw to life things he still is being a fuck head. i guess that relationship with Jackie fucked things up more than i thought. he used to always have his head on and be well past his years in knowledge. which is one of the reasons i loved him so much. but more and more he is fucking thinsg up. like when Ash died and he said "well it is kind oif her fualt for not wearing her seat belt" well maybe i should have said the same thing to hiom this past weekend when he almost died cuz HE didn;t have his seat belt on. i still to this day (unless its broken) have never went even down the road without mine on. all it takes is one friend. the other thing is that he did E. now being as anti-drug as you all know i found it strange that the man i loved who had at one point shared the same views and opinions with me suddenly and really without warning foldeed under pearpressure and started trying all these things. now, let me just say here that if views and opinions change over time or something then that is fine but do not continue to tell epople you don;t do drugs and all this other bullshit. but it gets better... one of the reasons aperntly he tried this was because his friend got it for him so then since he trusts his friend he knows what is in it... its more pure cuz ihis friend said so and his friend had got it befoire. FORGETING: that body chemicals mixing with drugs is different withj every person FORGETTING: that each batch is different FORGETTING: that it has been cut how many times? you needc profit when your a dealer.... FORGETTING: that although you trust your friend that still hasn;t changed all the cases of people dieing and they all said they had trusted that person. (going on an exstream here) my step sister (so to speak) had parttied with agirl she grew up witha dn they went to some guy's house. he friend told her she was going to get smokes and never came back. her friend had bought coke and couldn;t pay it fromt his time and the time before so she sold her friend (my "stepsister") to teh guys so they coudl fuck her in exchange for that coke. she was blindfolded and raped repededly for 3 days befor they finally let her go. they never found her friend againa dn never found who did it. anyways even though that is an extreme.... it happens. and hey maybe i ak overly bitter about it but if i really and truly were overly bitter about it i would have not dated JAmes and i would not still talk to people who do it. so really? am i being over the top? no, i don;t think so. anyways....oh! i almost forgot. Nick is back with Kat. well isn;t that just great. whatever. im sick and tired of all this crap. im done. i will still love him but im jst going to be friends with him, i even deleted all the notes everyone sent me on facebook and i couldn;t bring myself to delete the songs he sent me.... yet. it gives me hope that he really dose love me and he isn;t just another fuck head. but i don;t know. that is why i am having a talk with him later. Kimmy and Josh: they are engaged aperantly and getting papers sighned so that kimmy will be "adopting" taylor as her own. i personaly don;t want ehr to but that is just me. am i vein in knowing i will be a better mom then the majority of this population? fuck. anyways so she is also pregnant. wow my life is turrning insideout. ar this rate i really will be in hawii with my uncle. hmmmm i think that is really it for now. im sure Nick will probably be mad readiung this but meh. shit happins. my emotions and body are completely drained and worn right out. i already ahve ahad a mini nervous breakdown. YAY! but not really. Later Days *~Ashley~*