So as all of you probably know... brake ups are never easy. In fact tehy are probably one of the most stressful things that everyone sooner or later has to deal with. I my self have found my mind whirling with grate intensity at such a thing. Yes i have broken up with my boyfriend: Hayden. (also known as Boy) so today he came over and i didn't know but he sat up stairs for half an hour without telling me. He sat and waited... i was down stairs on the phone. he could have come down stairs but nooooo! hmmm so i went up stairs and me and my grandmother (B-me) were going to leave to go out for dinner. Well she went to get socks on and Hayden hugged me and said he was sorry that he never came to see me yesterday when he said he would, i cringed and said "you know your... not really makeing this... easy for me..." he kind of heled on but pulled away at the same time and said with a 'i knew this was coming' voice "your brajeing up with me aren't you?" sadly it was true and i did so. so i explained as quick as i could that i needed to get my shit together and since i had way to much school to deal with at the moment and he was goign to start nager manegment and all that i wanted to take a brake. and that i thought our relationship might get kind of bad with us both haveing alot to deal with. so he left like the wind... (ya an odd analigy coming from me but it's true... he breezed out of the door) so later and now even im still feeling a little bad... i mean im just to damn nice of a girl. so Terry and Katrina (sorry if i spelled your name rong) came over for a "jam session" and let me tell you... that was exactly what i needed. oh man alive did i ever. it made me feel better becuse out of teh week i was home sick with major mono they saw me more than Boy did and i was pritty sad and pissed about that. i mean 2 hours out of a week is bullshit for him to see me. so Kat talked me back into reality a little and mentioned that it was Hayden and he is a big drama queen. it's true. i can't deny it. so i kinda cuddled up beside her and let her talk to me... despite the fact that i never really need to much comfort ever i was very relaxed with teh whoel thing and was happy that she tryed to make me feel a little better but i quickly backed away only cuz i don't think Terry (her boyfriend) really liked the idea that i was kinda trying to cuddle up besdie Kat. (then again he might not have been paying atention either) so anyways... ya and i guess Kat said that Hayden had broken a window on his step dads truck and he was carrying a knife around. all i have to say to him (if i could and nothing would happen) is: "Hayden im sorry for makeing you feel this way but it's ME! im nothing spetical and i wasn't even that great of a girlfriend. we are just teens and it's not like we were going ot be with each other for ever! so fuck! i mean i will totaly help you through this because we ARE friends but this whoel 'lets cut my self and brake things' is just stupid! i mean what is that proving? what do you really have to let out? yes i broek up with you but you've had it happen before. i personaly thought it was a good runa dn we had quite a boit of fun. but smartin up. ..." yup that is what i would say. the other hting (because the more i think about it the more pissed i get about the big deal he's makeing it into) would be: "fuck it! just who cares. you know what im going to say so i won't even say it. you know what your doing is stupid but if this is how you operate to get through tuff times then go for it. just don't start carving and DON'T YOU DARE... give me ANy lip or angery words. i never did anyhtign to hurt you and it's not that big of a deal. you'll find someone else and it'll start all over again. so do what you have to do and when your ready to listin to a friend who has alreday helped you through alot then i'' be here." i just hope he didn't take the picture i gave him down. it was to help him fight the Boogy Man and it's working so far. well im going to go put my ferret aaway and call my brother. he'll be happy to know that i dumped him. him and Nick both thought that Hayden was a shitty boyfriend. i don't think he was i think he was just confused.... but i am and was too. well Later Days! *~Ashley~*