man... i told bryan about how i keep 'getting sick' and he comes right out there and says... maybe your pregnant. just plain as fucking day... like its no suprise! i said dont play bryan and he said over and over "im not playing sam" all serious.... what did he do? im scared! i really am. he was like a drone half the day... maybe cuz were not back together... but how can i just 4get about him saying all the hurtful things... how can i act like it doesnt bother me? i have this feeling deep inside! that he doesnt care if i am prego... he prolly wants it so i wont leave him :( but its not like im leaving him anyways... i want him i love him... i need to learn to get used to the icky way condoms feel too... :-| not looking 4ward to that! i cant have a baby in 12th grade... no fucking way! i need to find something 2 get me outa this one... tho its not 4 sure yet. ps... its sept. 11th and i didnt even realize it till now... lol maybe thats what the hell everyone was quiet 4 today at like around 9 or summin... i was sittin there biting my lip and clicking away at my pen while reading a book dr. smith suggested called "cut" about a girl who cuts herself to get away from the world... reminds me of my past not that id tell him that... even more it reminded me of bryan when he reached out 4 my hand today and i seen his scars all up and down his arms... and i thought about how i was the one to cause those scars and how he did it to feel the power and see the blood... way 2 much like the book... but "speak" is better! that ones about a girl who was raped... that is my favorite book ever! -b/c not many people know this... but i can relate to the book speak- today was a pretty okay day besides the prego thing... and bryan acting as if he were half high half dead... i want him to feel better :( i want him to know i care! i cant live this way not without him leave some comments