happy new years to east USA... 2:20 and less than an hour to go b4 the big ball... apple... cow... pickle... or whatever... drops for my cali friends... my night was grand... here it is in hopes of not leaving anything out... bryan came at 4 he made me a shepards pie and we ate together while watching how to lose a guy in 10 days then we ate chocolate cake then we went in my room and messed around... i said no sex but it led to that after a few hours... hehe then we took a bath together... a *bath* not shower... 1st one ever. lol then he went to the store down the street and bought me and him drinks and came back and we watched american pie 2 then we went to my room at about 11 and started to watch relic i got sick so he layed with me and comforted me... *headaches make me sick to my tummy* then he fed me soup!! we came outa my room at 11:30 cuz simple plan was playing live on mtv then we went back in and layed together just holding each other and playing footsies. until 3 minutes until the ball dropped. simple plan played at midnight again, that rocked. he kissed me in the same spot he kissed me last year... and it was the sweetest kiss ever. his tounge was like candy on mine... melting into me like sugar. *sigh* i miss it already. then we went back to my room and played with confetti! and he played the guitar for me... he played an AFI song but already i have forgotten the name of it... it was beautiful. i love when he sings to me... but it let to tears of fear of losing him he held me and we talked the rest of the night. i cried for about 20 minutes about how im scared to lose him and the fear of him cheating on me again. he promised it would never happen because he's never loved anyone else and never will. then things seemed to calm down and i fell asleep. i woke up because he was talking very quiet to me. "sam theres something i wanted to tell you and i couldnt... i think now would be a good time because your asleep" then i asked what and he told me he thinks he has cancer ='( after me almost in tears from him saying that... the convo led to a talk of his *old* best friend... and he opened up to me tonight. i mean really opened. he cried, and i just held him close and listened... tried to give advice 2 the best of my ability. then he told me he isnt even motivated about going snowboarding this year. even tho that probably hut him it made me uber happy. he said he isnt b/c of sean, understandable... so maybe him and i can go up and he can spend time with me. not soon after and his mom was here to get him at 2. over all it was a great night and i love him to death. my fear of losing him is still there but toned down a few points from all the adorably sweet things my model worthy boyfriend said hehehe he really loves me. its really ment to be. it was a great new years, just me and my baby. but tommorrow the mess of the confetti will be my death. my house is trashed and im not looking forward to waking up lol. ill be sure to have sweet dreams of my baby still holding me tightly and kissing me gently. happy new years everyone. make this one count. loves and cuts. -update- came back decided to add this... stolen from [supafly] --aka brandons diary {~O0o~13 1st's of the New Year~o0O~} #1 - First Thing I Did: Kissed Bryan #2 - First Person I Talked To: Bryan-- obviously #3 - First Person I heard Sneeze: nobody so far... #4 - First Swear of the New Year: *ouch my goddamn fucking head is going to be the death of me* --haha im funny #5 - First Song: Simple Plan singin *get the party started* #6 - First TV Show: MTV midnight bash... w/e it was #7 - First Thing I ate: (drank) mt dew and a big bite of chocolate cake #8 - First Melody(like midi): well duhhhhhh.... the new years song. haha its always the tune i still dont know the words. #9 - First Picture: taken? shit... i wanted 2 go get a camera... looked at? an old army base ID card of me when i was 4. lol #10 - First Website: fotolog... then sitD #11 - First Text Message: none... away msg... 2 tired 2 hold a convo #12 - First Thought: this may be the last new years i get to spend with bryan... hell this may be the last new years i ever see. #13 - First Person to Fall For: pierre from simple plan... hahah j/p fell hard 4 my baby. 3:04... and happy new years cali!!!!!!!!! -update *3:45- cant sleep without bryans arms holding me now... *sigh* i dont need sleep. i think ill eat instead... its funny how i looked 4ward to this year all my life... 04 04 04.... thats all... ever... graduation. but now i have to stay until this time next year... 4 my baby. now that 04 has hit... i dont feel anything... nothing i thought i would feel. i found the GREATEST entry. it pretty much sums up how i feel... how this new years feels *this big year i waited on my knees for* its just shit! the night was great dont get me wrong... but it was just not what i lived it up 2 be in my mind... i thought i would *feel* something... but i do think with bryan opening up 2 me.. i fell in love... real love, deep love, a new kinda love. heres the entry... it belongs to caeala: Happy New Year December 31, 2003 So I didn't have anything to do for new year. No big party, no hanging with friends or family cause they didn't do crap. Here's somethin twistedly funny. As I was sitting on the crapper, I looked at the time and it was 11:59 PM. That's right folks, I was taking a crap when it hit 2004. Yay what a way to celebrate! Okay, that was messed but true =P. Now I sleep. Gnight. Probably. hahahah.... that rocked so hard. (hope he dont get pissed i posted that entry *sigh* lol) loves and cuts. tt4n