rainy days are always dreary... but beautiful none the less. me and bryan were doing so well with the 'cease-fire' and all... but now were fighting again (all day today) gawd. anyways he did *give* me the nightmare before christmas... i love him even when im furious at him. *cute huh* my english class would be getting on the bus to head to dinner right now in NYC... im glad im not there cuz im beat at the moment. i wouldnt have wanted to go w/o bryan anyways :/ i went last year, great trip but tiring as fuck! so here i sit upset about bryan and i, upset about my life, and watching the nightmare b4 christmas for the 2nd and a half time... lol this movie is cute and i havent seen it in like 6 years but damn i didnt remember this much SINGING! gah. lol takes some getting used to i suppose. i made cresent rolls in lifeskills 3 today. tomorrow were making pizza. woohoo *the high point of my day* im rather sad... i dont think its the rain that makes me sad but my saddness that makes it rain. ((or bryans saddness 4 that matter)) i think he controls the weather *wink wink* when he's calm its nice when hes mad it storms when hes sad it rains... but i wonder what he is now? he said 'im not worth his time just now' that was hurtful but i can never tell what he means and what he says out of anger. ive stopped caring. when he cools we always talk. i love our talks, they keep me entertained for hours after they are over. i cried at lunch when he talked about last winter... i didnt want to hear it i really didnt. if this winter he goes to that mountain ill prolly stop writing, change my email, and stay locked away from the world until july. unless i finally get the guts 2 end my pityful life. then i want only my dearest friends at my funeral.... me and heather decided she'd let ONLY my friends in. carrie, seth, jen, heather herself, and bryan would be in the front if they all came lol... the list would be short. ha. well enuff of that. i think im gana go write bryan an email :/ *i love you baby* im sorry im not worth ur time... fact of the matter is im not worth anyones time, im suprised u stuck around this long... but i love u to death, always will. muah.