i stole the theme of this from bruce almighty then made it into my own words and all: dear god, i want to stop missing him, i want to forget i know his name, i want to stop the tears from falling, i want to rid myself of the pain, i want to forget how his kiss feels and i want to forget the blame, dear god i want to stop loving him this is all i pray i feel that way a lot... its odd. bryans talking to me again, he said he misses me and all that. he asked about that thing i wrote... i said *i hurt* he said he does too. i think i know when he's serious because he says 'sam' a lot... he said -roo- too. that got to me. but i dont know what to believe because he lies so much. he lies because he doesnt wanna hurt me but if he didnt wanna hurt me he's stop b4 he did anything in the 1st place. im listening to linkin park... i prolly listen to this cd more than any other, i can relate the each song very deeply as i said b4... meteora is THE BEST cd they have made thus far... actually i think its like the best cd ever. bryan wrote me an email sayin he'll call me at 11:45 *sigh* heather has aim now so it feels like me and my best friend are really a lot closer now. lol prolly cuz i hate phones and we only ever talk at school. anyways i watched E.T. earlier and now gremlins is on... aww the gismo one is adorable. on another note... just pulling this randomly out of my ass... i keep finding pants! i think my sister takes jeans from her friends and then 4gets whose they are and gives them 2 me. one pair is a size 3 so they are way huge on me but i still wear them... today i found a pair that is a zero. perfect fit. hahaha anyways bryan might come over sunday. god i pray 4 it.i have something sooo special planned. im not telling him i missed my dot... who knows t might come late. eh. another random thing: i painted a lil sign that says sam and heather BFF its cute... im gana do the wall behind my bed. pictures drawings colored pics they are all going back up. ((i took them down when i was leaving mem-memberr -lol)) thinking back... bryan told my mom something... he told her i have a lot to say if she'd only listen. i think i do have a lot to say... this diary proves it. in 3 days ill have had this diary 3 months. ohh and lastly... i ate today i feel sick... i ate 3 bites of turkey and a spoonful a taters. ugh. -ps. i know im not beautiful :[ but what is it with everytime me and bryan fight... i suddenly get 500 numbers. or random (get this) PREPPIES emailing me. heh. its funny but i rather them leave me be. i hate preps. speaking of that... i wrote this too: Future Husband i dream of u but i can not see ur face.. i want u to know im not beautiful, but ill do my best 2 make u stay, i will love u with my heart & be by ur side everyday. Future Husband im waiting 2 take ur heart away. *Loves*