sooo after waiting all that fucking time... i called him. he's there... duno where else i expected him to be... but somehow i feel disapointed? im bored... theres nothing on tv... i ALMOST would have rather went to school... ALMOST! looks like i wont be seeing bryan for a long damn while.... know what, ill get over it. hmmm well then i heard from 2 different people dwight has a party 2night... should i show up? its not like were starngers we talk online and at school... just dont talk more than 3 or 4 times a week.... but thats okay as long as he knows me right? who would i take? MOST LIKELY BENA... that girl can make the lamest place... like mcdonalds seems like a blast. and hell....... maybe i could meet her current boy...... and yes ill make her take him cuz she doesnt need 2 cheat on this one....... he's a keeper! lol i just want her to be happy and he makes her happy :) maybe tonight if not there i will either walk away *just away and find somewhere to stay when i get tired of walking* ive never done that but it seems rather exciting... not knowing whats going to happen next... and if not that... ill ask my mommy dearest 2 take me out 2 buy a necklace and some earing for homecoming... i also wanna get some lip stuffies that last all night... and some makeup to match my $550 gown... if i spent that much already why not go the whole mile? i got shoes too but im consitering getting different ones... dunno yet... homecoming is soon, october 4th. do u have any idea how busy my life gets after october starts? football games homecoming benas b/day ren. faire suprise party (that i already know about but it was worth a try babe i love u) birthday me and bryans 1 year anniversary thanksgiving bryans b/day x-mas new years then v-day after that it slows down a bit but then b4 u know it summer comes again... that right there is basically my life... with a few b-days left out and a couple hundred road trips, mall trips, trips to amusment parks, ya know... that kinda shit... lol but still thats it... in a nut shell bryans sort of..... no bryan IS my life, everything i list there has a very powerful key link to bryan hehehehe. i love him even if im hurting cuz of him. ive been so bored today at one point i layed down and cried... and thought about cutting myself... but nah to lame... then thought about killing myself (shooting myself in the head) i had a vision of bryan... not a good one... i ended up going to club x-treme saturday having a feeling he went and he was there in the parkinglot with some dark haired girl which is kinda bazaar consitering he doesnt want me to dye my hair dark he wants me to keep it blonde. anyways he was lookin at this girl and they were sitting next to each other so i stopped and slowly walked up about to scream my head off... then he kissed her and i ran up to her and him grabbed the slut by the hair pulled her back punched her harder than ive ever hit anyone and threw her ass on the ground... then i looked at him and asked him why? he didnt answer but said he was sorry and started to cry... i started screaming things i can no longer remember and i slapped him and turned to walk away then i relized that wasnt enough so i ran back *tears on my face and punched him knockin him off his feet* the n i said one more time WHY BRYAN and he just cried so i screamed WERE OVER WAY OVER.... and i pulled a gun out pointed it at him... then at my head and said I HATE YOU BRYAN I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF then i shot myself. pretty odd huh