bryan took some pills :( he said it was cuz of me :( heres his reason why: SoMeThInGbAd [10:19 PM]: to get the fact that you weren't coming back to me out of mmy head SoMeThInGbAd [10:19 PM]: but then when we started talking it hit me again SoMeThInGbAd [10:19 PM]: but forget about it, i jsut wanted to say i love you aww... while on the phone he read my his diary entry... 23. all better November 5, 2003 I know i shouldn't write in this damn thing when i am pissed. It only causes trouble to me. Cuz when i am in a good mood i go back and read what i wrote and it is pretty damn shitty. Oh well. i layed in my room for a lil , i did change my s/n but i will only use it when necissary. which i hope will be never. I layed there and thought of my baby roo :( god i love her so damn much, i just wish she could see how much i love her so she will know that i will not ever do anything like last winter to hurt her again. She is the only thing in my life that makes me the happiest person on earth. When her and i are dating i feel like i am the luckiest person ever cuz i don't think any guy could have as sweet and as realistic of a person as thsi girl. Sam is the most adorable thing anyone could wish for. Her eyes are so sparkly and beautiful, her skin is a touch of joy and happiness just as her kiss is, but her kiss is a most rememorable one of that, it's more like if you want to skip a heart beat or two, kiss her lips(WHICH BETTER NOT HAPPEN GUYS CUZ I WILL KILL YOU), they are so sweet, soft , tender, and so damn moist all the time, they are the most beautiful lips i have ever felt in my entire life, just as her whole body is to me, her body to me is just the most magnificent thing i have ever layed eyes(hands:) ) on. She is so damn beautiful. when i am with her "BEAUTIFUL" is a common word that comes out of my mouth, cuz everytime i see that sweet lil face of hers i just want to scream it. But ontop of seeing her, everytime i do, i just want to fall to the ground cuz my body feels limp to me, i can't feel it at all, and i just want to collapse in her arms. I could spend all day either watching her sleep, or laying my head on her soft stomachy(stummy in her words heh heh) and let her play with my hair untill i fall asleep. I JUST LOVE THIS GIRL MORE THEN I COULD EVER POSSIBLY LOVE MYSELF, OR ANYONE ELSE IN THAT MATTER. I want to marry her as soon as possible, i want her to have my beautiful baby lachientica, and i want to share a home with her. i want to walk hand and hand with her everywhere we go, and wake up beside her EVERY MORNING. damn... i got so caught up in thinking we were back together. i guess i can never dream of that untill we are together, cuz i am having this lil feeling in the back of my neck that she won't come back to me. i hope she does. she is the most terrif thing i have ever had in my life. i am done jabbling about my love. out i want nothing but him till the day i die. god let this work. let us work. were ment 2 be. fuck anyone who got or will get in the way. god, let them rot in hell. thank you. ps. me and bryans 'secret' lil thing is working out and is funny as hell. lol if only u guys knew! pss. stlpunk05 is super awesome and should teach me to play guitar! lol psss. i miss my bry bry and 4 our anniversary he LOVES the idea of me k.i.l.l.i.n.g that *person* hahahaha.... fun fun. ppsss. his away msg: I'm in bed, samy roo roo call me if you need me ;) so hopefuly you'll call this time. :) i love you night pppsss. i still watch boy meets world... im such a big lil kid. ok big lil adult... 4got i was 18 hahaha. pppssss. no school mon. tues. yay! me and bryan havent had wild sex 4 a while! maybe we should try every position and some new stuff new places and all over the long weekends... ;)