still waiting tho i have no idea why... keep thinkin maybe just maybe he'll pull up and run out of the car and grab me and hold me tight... id cry... id bawl.... but i know its a dream, a cruel dream that needs to die! i keep throwing up cuz im a cross between sad scared and worried....... u have no idea........ i keep hearing cars go by thinking its him and its not this may just be the 1st time in like 10 months that we went a full day without talking...... i hurt all over i duno wether 2 be on here or the phone...... i think he might call but then i get off and i think he might get online..... i try sooo damn hard NOT to care but then i stop thinking and tears flow by themselves.... im so scared its the end of us........ im so scared i might try and kill myself but live........ i need to get my mind off it i tried to get my mind off it so far by:: drawing watching: analize that, vanilla sky, final destination 2, and the ring i ate and ate and ate i re-did my cell phone rings i watched tv i listened to music i tried to break into my moms room to get my keyboard i walked i called my friend i talked to wes i talked to carly i left comments in randoms peoples diarys i cleaned my house spot-less i did the dishes i make a song i wrote 4 poems i took 3 baths i did laundry i emailed my teacher i looked up info on my project i ate 22 cough drops i keep taking advil and robitussin and wrote in here see nothing is working i swear!!!!! i was thinkin bout having wes pick me up like he wanted to... but he keeps talking about sex and NO IM NOT DOING THAT! then i remembered raul saying call me and i figured he would pick me p and we could go to his place and chill but i dont want to upset bryan even tho he is upseting me..... im not that much of a bitch! i think i might go tho i need a shoulder 2 cry on!!!! he'd be there 4 me!!!!!!!! its quiet in here if i werent so hung up on bryan id be scared... cuz im alone and its silent i think im addicted to advil... is that even possible? i want more and more and more godddddd....... going crazy...... going to take another bath i think ((cut myself up with a razor......be like bryan))....... leave a comment