i woke up crying... and now im late 4 school. its 7:07 which means im 15 minutes late. i dont care, i have a headache coming cuz i cried all night i cried cuz im worthless and mean nothing to no one. when did that happen? when did i start hating the world so much? it was prolly because of someone using me like this b4... im so thankful for bryan. he's all i got and the only person that trys to help even if he doesnt understand. i know i cant bring up how dumb i feel or how bad it hurts because he wont want to hear it and will blame it on me for doing anything in the 1st place. i did it cuz i was confused and hurting and i just felt something had 2 be done to basically show myself i can go on without him if i had to... cuz i really thought we were over. in the end alls it showed me was i cant live without bryan and everyone but him has used me thus far. thats a good and bad thing... bad because now what happens if we do split 4 good in the future? but also good because i know he really loves me. and i dont think ANYONE has ever loved me b4. if they had... wouldnt we still be together? bryan showed me that. i never been so in love b4 that it hurt to see them leave it hurt to breathe everytime they walked away from ur side even for a single second to get a drink. i never said a more true statement when i said *he's like my air* gada go get ready 4 school now and find a ride since im so late... i dont even wanna go with the rumor about me and michell... and i dont want to go cuz i feel like shit but i have to go to tell heather what happened and see my bryan :( i hope *my* bryan.... i dont know how much longer he's going to want me now. i fuck up 2 much. farly too much ps. about how me and michell fucked now... i think matt stevens told robert and robert started telling people... that pisses me off robert was my friend! and matts a dick 4 it! he knew i didnt do shit but give him a hj... he was sitting there beside us basically. he was on my comp and we were on my bed! yea michell tried to roll ontop of me a few times but he had me pushed almost off the bed and each time he attempted it i almost fell off onto nick and mel. IM SO PISSED HE TOUCHED ME SO SOFT YET HURT ME SO HARD im so pissed he lied im soooo pissed he has done this to other people. if i woulda known i wouldnt have done shit... i woulda knocked his ass out instead. i feel so used and hurt and as bryan would say... without any support... *it was all my own fault* what is it that make people feel they can do this to me? karens pretty and he did this to her so i know its not my looks i am starting to think he just didnt wanna be tied down and free to fuck around... i wouldnt be suprised if he has hiv. i was also thinking since i have gotten a bad rep for being slutty lately b/c of raul and brian and ryan and everything that it could of helped for my cause 2 be used. i need to fix the problem! karen also has a rep but im not sure if its as bad as mine.?. "rain on me, take this pain from me. i dont wanna live i dont wanna breathe baby"-ashanti