in 2 days is me and bryans 11th month... the greatest month ever! october!!! will be the last b4 we finally have been there 4 each other for a complete year... around this time last year ryan dumped me and i was crushed... my favorite month turned into my personal hell... homecoming was a nightmare and my b/day was lonely... another year without a gift from a specail someone... it hurt so bad it felt like i was the only one that didnt have a b/f on v/day and everyone was was huggin kissin sharing gifts and celebrating the holiday of love. speaking of holidays lets do the run down (keep it fresh in my head so i never 4get the better days) thanksgiving- we had just started going out the 14th so we werent into the 'seeing each other outside of school yet' in fact i was scared cuz i havent had many b/f's lol i also told everyone i knew id be a virgin till the day i died! -on thast topic want to add.... that i went from barely being touched or kissed to making out and dry sex like 0.01 seconds flat... tho we did wait like 2 months b4 our 1st kiss b/c he wanted me to be comfortable and i wanted to show him how important a simple kiss was to me... it was the most memorable moment of my life when he leaned over and kissed me all unexpected... but yea... we went from that to laying in my bed a few weeks later and he rubbed my stomach and slipped his hands ever so slighty under my pants but didnt go further... i think he could tell i was scared... from that within a few weeks of time we went onto greater things... (ie- dry sex) lemme tell ya its not as fun as it used to me... but from that there was no place but up... so one night in my sisters room he fingered me... and suprisingly it didnt bother me... then eventually i let him eat me out... hehehehe then after that i finally gave him a hand job and sucked his dick yay 4 me... then in this small time span of not kissing to basically everything but sex... we broke up cuz of him snowboarding so much and me being worried he would meet another girl... so he went and made out with chelsy and then came back to me and i thought i was losing him 4 ever so i went back and said in 2 weeks we will fuck... and we did... then later i found out about chelsy... maybe a week after we slept together... but since then life has been hell... sexually tho... its been okay, we try and go further like that all the time with new positions and places... thats what the infamous 'sex list' keeps track of... but anyways back to the holidays next was x-mas- we spend x-mas ever together... that was the 1st night i told him i loved him... i whispered it in his ear... it was hard 4 me to say cuz i knew it was sooo true and i never wanted him to leave. it started to snow when i said it too... like at the very second flurries started coming down... and the whole ride home alls i thought was... it snowed... were ment 4 each other! he got me a ring 4 x-mas and a big ass stitch plushie (my size) hehehe next was new years eve- we had a confetti battle, awesome shit right there! and he kissed me sooo soft and slow... his tounge was warm and tasted like frosting... for some reason that sticks in my brain. we kissed each other 2 bring in the year TOGETHER always staying that way and saying as long as we had each other this year would be wonderful! reminds of how dumb the things we 'used to fight over' really were... like him boarding to damn much and my jealousy the next holiday was v-day- i never had so much love 4 him as i did that day... i bought him candy and presents and he did the same 4 me... flowers and all... i loved it so much... the next was easter- saddest day ever :( i found out about chelsy a week b4 easter and tried to kill myself... the only people that knew that b4 now were heather and jen... i took 3 bottles of assorted pills with a 1/4th of a bottle of bacardi... i passed out woke up and threw up 6 times... who ever says O.D-ing kills u is a fucking liar unless i just was allergic and threw them up 4 some damn reason... but easter was okay... we talked it out... he said it was a mistake... that he loved me and we sat in his g-mas field and cried all day... he got me tons of gifts... flowers, a playboy bunny shirt, candy, a candle (which i still use and adore) lol and some more stuff i 4get next was july 4th i think?- we were together but didnt see the fireworks 2gether which upset us both... it was cuz i was sick :( i cried that night next will be my b/day then halloween then thanksgiving and our anniversary then his b/day and x-mas then new years once again :) then another loving v-day i hope we last i wanna do something special 4 him... to let him know i care about him and want him in my life till the day i die... but what can i do??? ps... arm is still killing me!