ok i watched unfaithful tonight. scared the shit out of my sister 4 some reason... freaked me out mentally. all in all not a bad movie but caused un needed stress! oh and yea... my hair is thinning out b/c of the stress im under... yea just falling out a bit more than usual. but thats also because it needs cut. oh well. i have a doctors appointment SATURDAY of all days! i was supposed to go to bryans. i guess my health is key right now tho and ive had 2 nervious breakdowns to the point where i needed hospital attention in the past 5 months. but yea back to unfaithful i missed most of it (talking to bryan) but i caught on fairly quick... she cheated on her husband... fucked the guy a bunch of times... and her husband killed the guy. understandable... i feel a stirring in my soul that says things in the past between bryan and some girls needs 2 be settled in a similar matter lol j/p tho that brings up a good point anyways the movie was good, kept my "holding my breath" a few times. ....gawd this entry is really lame.... makes me wonder why u r reading this. *sigh* back to school to-fucking-morrow i have to sit there and deal with those damn people talking about me like i dont know who they are for the 1st 80 minutes of the day.... OH WAY TO START OFF! but im going 4 bryan! i asked heather 2 go to ski roundtop w/ me... she asked 'when?' and didnt say no! thats at least a better sign than i hoped 4... we can be she spies she said LMAO. i hate the fact that my diary is private now.... i get less comments. i feel like im in hideing. im not but i dont need someone saying shit about personal stuff from my past. a diary was created to vent... let me vent goddamnit! lol anyways back to the movie once again (i get side tracked way 2 much) the whole movie was about cheating... that KILLED ME! i seen 1 sex scene... it reminded me of my almost infidelity... i felt the tears welling up. i ::had:: to walk away. i said something tonight about an ex b/f to him... i need to think b4 i speak... i never did anything sexually with anyone BEFORE i met bryan besides kissing... there were a few close calls the summer b4... but i never did anything else. i never loved anyone enough to give them that part of me. i hope bryan understands that! i know i upset him and i could cut myself for it. i need to think think think! gawd! now ive officially upset myself. but it all just reminds me how lucky i am to have bryan and how much we been threw. he loves me 4 me, he thinks im beautiful tho im not, he believes in me cares about how i feel, says im a good fuck... hahaha. he's my soul mate... i cant ever lose him.