somedays like this... i sit here and wonder if bryan did this to his ex g/f's or is it just that he doesnt love me as much as he loved them... or as i said b4... im just not good enough... i dont know anything anymore, just that i hurt all the time. i figured a while back that i cant marry him and that upset him... i thought he'll cheat on me and leave me with a kid... or he'll always be gone... or of course we will always fight then divorce and the kids life will be hell... but as i said that upset him so i withdrew that, i just thought about it from another point of view... we only fight cuz were not together... if were living together we wont fight as much... i hope :( unless he gets tired of me... or wants someone else he meets with his friends or at work... i cant take it sometimes... my mind is an unusual very cruel place.... sometimes i just wanna die. but i know its not just him... its every guy in the world... NOT A SINGLE ONE IS DIFFERENT THAN THAT NOT ONE!!! so dont u try and say ur different or that ur b/f is different cuz ur not or he's not... fuck u, ur blind and dumb. hahahahaha besides everyone fights sooo i WIN! lol i made this away msg last night.... WHAT IS IT THAT GUYS WANT???? DO YOU WANT ME TO BE MORE LIKE *HER* OR MORE LIKE *HER* B/C THEY ARE NOTHING ALIKE BUT THEN NEITHER AM I.... WHAT DO YOU WANT??? DO I NEED TO BE MORE INTO WHAT U LIKE OR DO I NEED TO BE INTO SOMETHING ELSE? IM NEVER GANA BE GOOD ENUFF.... U NEED EVERYONE 2 LOVE U.... I MEAN NOTHING 2 U CUZ I ALREADY DO... WELL NO MORE. i need 2 punish myself i need 2 be in pain... i need to be better than i am and im NOT!!!!! I NEED A RAZOR I NEED TO FEEL THE CUTTING I NEED TO SEE THE BLOOD I NEED TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *im laying on the floor listening to the wind drown out the sound of my crying... im in the dark starring at the ceiling wishing it would fall on me* ill be back yea... that says a lot... i WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HE WANTS ME TO BE MORE LIKE... i also want to know why im not good enough? i mean he wants everyone to like him... and he talks about me talkin to other guys but he's the one that OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP has been trying to get other girls to like him... wtf??? im not good enough... i cant be more like him and then more like *that girl* what does he want? it hurts my throat when i cry and its killing me... but thats good b/c i need to feel pain... im not good enough and i need to be hurt. goodbye