i could write a facebook note, or a nexopia blog. but instead i am using my sitdiary to write in because no one knows i have this. i needed to write something somewhere, and i like the idea that a complete stranger can become involved in my life. isn't that strange that i would prefer a stranger to know about me.. over someone i am friends with. grad is in a week. so obviously it's the perfect time for my life to become so overwhelmed with shit. i am now unable to talk to my best guy friend of 3 years, because him and his girlfriend think ive been talking shit about them. which i havent.. of course. i wanted things to work out so badly, and for all 3 of us just to be okay around eachother. but i guess thats not what anyone else wanted. his girlfriend ( who i am not friends with, i hardly even speak to them in person, and i mean HARDLY) sent me a TEXT MESSAGE saying that i can longer be friends with them. he, my supposedly best friend, didnt even tell me! he got his girlfriend to send me a TEXT (not even tell me in person). what a coward. i know thats a stupid word to use, but i cant think of a better one. ive never given him a reason not to trust me, but he choses to believe some random sources word over mine... fucking bullshit. ive tried not to tell it bother me though... because i want this last month of school to be the best ever. but last night even more shit happened that physically makes me want to vomit everytime i think about it. and i have been thinking about it all day. i dont even think i can write about it even though i want too. basically i hooked up with my girl best friends boyfriend. because hes a fucking asshole who forced me into it. i hate him so much. i am so mad at him and myself for being so stupid. i just feel filthy. ive already talked to her about it though, and she's not mad at me. even though it's not my fault, i feel like i could have done more too stop it, or maybe just have been less naive. i want to stop thinking about it. i want to punch right in his fucking face. i just feel terrible today. we all slept at the "boyfriend"s house last night, and i was planning on going straight to soccer from there.. but i woke up at 8am and just got the fuck out of there. its 10pm and im still so hungover and womanly troubles have showed up. i left soccer early, went to work and left work early because i could hardly stand. and i really fucking hate my job. i drove home and fell asleep in the drivers seat for a half hour once i had parked on my street. then i went inside and slept for another 2 hours. i woke up to her calling, and thats when i told her what happened. i am amazed she'll still talk to me. i dont deserve her amazing friendship. fuck.. 'fix you' just came on and i think its going to make me cry. i was so stoked on everything for so long. but i hate this. its saturday night and i refused to go out. sorry for swearing so much. i just got too much teen-fucking-angst. thanks for listening