the fingernails on my left hand are blue. i hate painting my right hand, always looks like shit. im sad today. lethargic. empty. i want someone to love me. i want to make someone happy because that would make me happy. i feel like people [guys] only talk to me because they think im pretty. and then they discover my personality and leave. i am SO SELFCONCIOUS about my personality. its only when a guy really gets to know who i am (ie-become my best friend) that they start to have feelings for me. seriously this has happened with every good guy friend i have ever had. and once we become good friends, i have lost interest. its such an effing shitty cycle. thats what i dont want to happen with CR. i want him to like me every step of the way, and grow to like me more with every step. but im getting ahead of myself. he is not going to like me more. its not going to happen. im tired of being lonely though....... i really am.