im just kind of empty. i have spent the last couple weeks away of my life trying to achieve perfection. perfectly in shape. perfect face. perfect marks. perfect person. and every time i put on a nice outfit or put on makeup, i wonder "who am i trying to impress?" i just go to class. go to the gym. go to eat. walk through the library occasionally. sit in my room A LOT more than is probably healthy. im so bored. i dont mind people seeing my quirks but i cant let people see my flaws. but maybe flaws are quirks. they may be to some people. anyways. i dont really know where im going with that. we had a soccer game tonight against NTC and although we lost, we played really well and i actually played quite well. i was a lot more agressive then usual and everytime i challenged i won the ball. and gained a fair amount of turf burn. i know thats what my coaches want to see from me. we have two more games on sunday. kerry was there too. i wonder what he thought about how i played. or if he even gave me a second thought. i see hime everyday when im leaving or going to the library and he is doing the opposite. he has a really cute/shy smile and it makes you feel like its just for you. but i know better. i wish i didnt. i wish i wasnt at the point where i second guess every motive/movement/action/word emitted from a guy. what life would be like to be blissfully unaware.... but you would never remain that way. im sitting in my room in the pitch black right now. except for the light from the screen. i just watched two episodes of dexter. only show worth watching really. except the office. tomorrow im going to the gym in the morning. running till i puke hopefully. going tanning. going downtown with celia for smoothies and sushi. maybe go see "the wrestler". going to the clay cafe with slye and going to make myself a mug to make my mandarin green tea in. it should be a wonderful day, full of more interesting things than i have probably done in the past month combined.