my turn-over-a-new-leaf day started out well. i woke up at 10, worked out made a smoothie and a v. healthy sandwhich, showered and headed to the mall. i got an amazing $50 bra for free and then i went to visit laurie at RW. i leave the store, and GUESS WHO IS WALKING TOWARDS ME. him. this whole day was set up to get my mind off all the shit he did to me, and there he is walking right towards me. it took me so off guard. i cant even explain how it felt... i honestly think it was the most awkward thing i have ever gone through. awkward is not a harsh enough word. i didnt know what to do. give him a death glare? say hi? pretend i dont see him? i didnt do any of these things, i was so shocked. i was about to muster a small smile, when mid smile, i thought, "wait! i hate him! dont smile!". the way he looked at me was strange. like expressionless, but with a lot of hurt behind his eyes. i could describe this 3-second scenario for hours but i wont. it ruined my day to say the least. i was just so overcome with emotion that the minute i passed them i put my head in my hands and just pulled at my hair. i wanted to cry. i almost did. anyways i could hardly find anything i wanted at the mall. it was so crowded and i was just already do stressed out. i drove to more malls and more stores, but i couldnt find anything and i just really started to hate myself. all the driving in traffic, the crowds, the pouring rain just made me see how shitty i am. and how shitty everything is right now. grad is in like 4 days... when i got home from the mall, i talked to my best friend ( the one who is the girlfriend to the guy that forced me to hook up with him.. the one at the mall) and apparently they broke up last night. im glad. but we are all in the same limo for grad.. fuck. anwyays. then i went tanning and went to work. im home from work now and i got a facebook message from HIM, apologizing and being all pathetic. it made me feel a little bad, but not bad enough to ever talk to him again. i have to go to school tomorrow. i think i am going to wear some sort of disguise so all the people i have to avoid wont recognize me.