still in bed, its 1:21pm. heat is on, and there is a cool breeze coming through my window. i think its snowing out, or raining. or both. so varsity night was really fun. did not accomplish what i wanted with brendan, infact saw him for a total of 3 seconds. but i met other people. infact i went out to a movie with one last night. he is on the hockey team. i wasnt going to go but i decided from now on that i am going to "play the field" and see what happens. because i know right now that their are several boys who like me or who are "interested" so i may as well not tie myself down to one and see what they all are like. my plan may backfire in my face but right noww i realllly dont care.

what i dont understand is why brendan calls me. because he doesnt really say anythingg about anything..... like i dont know if he is just checking in after a night out or what? maybe i dont understand because i hate talking on the phone and rarely do it, but at the end of the convo im always just like " so do you want to hang out.. or....?" and he says he does but then we never do. like i really dont get it? why are you calling me if you dont want anything out of it. like i am getting pity phone calls or something? i dont know..this is mostly why im deciding to "play the field". because if brendan is not going to make plans with me, but someone i met just the night before is willing to ask me out right away, then ya, im gonna go out with that person.im pretty sure i told brendan on the phone that "all these boys wanna talk to me but i only want to talk to you" HAHA fuck my life. i shouldnt bring my phone out anymore. i either drunk text like an idiot, and now i have moved onto phone calls. i also saw charlie that night he kept grabbing me and trying to get me to kiss him but i KNOW he has a girlfriend and i kept saying "stop it, i KNOW you have a girlfriend" and he kept saying that they broke up 2 weeks ago. i think he just loves seeing what he can make girls do. he is reaallly fucked up. but thats obviously why i love him. and would have loved to kiss him. man my self-restraint is out of this world.

last class bash is tomorrow night, but im not going. im actually starting to freak out about school... like fucking freak out. that is all i need to focus on. but im not in school mode AT ALL. its just pure toture right now. k im gonna go.... wish me luck with school and love and life.