so i was just spending my entire night watching dexter as planned (while wallowing in lonliness and self pity), when i had an epiphany. and it was perhaps that most wonderful thought ive ever had and i was terrified i was going to lose it but it is still here. it is based around B: we are so different and it is just not going to happen. i hold myself back here with other people because im just banking on him and i working out when i go home. but its just not going too. and it feels SO GOOD to finally be able to admit that and know that there are so many people out here that i can meet instead. or even in calgary when i have my new job and what not. as cheesy as this sounds...... i feel like an independent women and really dont feel a need to talk to him at all. i feel like i did last year when i was sorrounded by new guys who just wanted me. i feel free. finally finally free. fitness testing is tomorrow but im not freaking out anymore. im just gonna get it over with and get better from there. im not worried about the exam i definately failed either. because i can only change my behaviour now. i feeeeell soooo goooood.