im so fucked

i definately failed my physiology exam this morning. still havent started my paper. was going to go to split crow but exercised my last ounce of willpower and said no. now i must go to the library. my last roommate just left for christmas holidays and im in this house alone for the next four days. tick tock.

i just feel sooo....... numb. like i just dont care about all the things i know i need to care about. like going home for christmas? i just dont care. its barely even crossed my mind. boys? i dont care about them. school? obviously dont. the only thing that makes me do the minimal amount of work that i do do is because i know i HAVE to, and that my parents are footing the bill. i dont want to feel like this anymore. i dont want to be lonely. i dont want to be angry and annoyed all the time. i dont want to be such a terrible student when i know i am so much smarter than this. but i have no idea how to make it better. not a clue. i dont want to tell my parents because they just worry and i dont know if they would be able to help. maybe i should talk to them though. so they understand.

i just dont want to be weak. i want to be okay on my own.