its been an interesting past two days. acually they have pretty much suckedd.hey its nicole emily dosent no im here ur a fag ilu bye!!
lauren im really sorry for everything. seriously. i want you to know that what conner said i DID say, but im thinking about it now..and its stupid what i said! b/c you were only looking in the mirror because you were peeling, and we were both looking in it the same amount. you are not conceited at all. once again... i just analyze things too much. i have a problem that i do get sick of ppl to easily. even when i was little i had to tell my mom to make the kids leave by 10 in the morning at my birthday parties b/c i knew i would get sick of them..and then i get into a bad mood. i know people get sick of me all the time...i just over eggajerate. when conner said "why would emily be jealous of YOU" or whatever he said...that was mean and im sorry! i am jealous of you! pretty much everything about you i am jealous about so thats deffintally not true! i honestly think i just said it in the first place b/c of jealousy. i screwed up and i shouldnt have said anything bad about you in the first place b/c it was really bitchy and the wrong thing to do...friends dont do that! im really really really sorry for everything i said/did...but i know sorry doesnt always fix everything.
i also feel bad b/c i did the absolute wrong thing by telling two people what happened. cept i didnt even say anything about it. and being the immature ppl they are...they were going up to her and annoying her.
i should have talking to lauren today about the whole thing...but i honestly just dont have a way with words. i say stuff that i dont think through, and it turns out being something that is completely different from what i mean. then, i get myself into more crap. thats why i normally dont confront people too soon about what happened, b/c i know ill mess things up b/c i always do.
last night i was really upset about this whole thing..and when conner told i told him why i was upset. first i was upset b/c i thought i couldnt trust him. then i was mad at myself for even saying that in the first place. then i was sad when i said something really mean to conner that i didnt mean...and he took it the wrong way. basically, last night was bad. i hate myself for putting myself in the situation and i am so stupid. everything i do makes things worse...guess i just need to shut up
so im not expecting them just to forgive me...b/c i understand what i did wrong...and trust me...i feel like shit. but i know its stupid expecting stuff from a "sorry" diary entry. i shouldnt even be saying all this on here...i should just tell her in person. but thats the problem, ill screw it up more...and i realllly dont want that to happen. ive always thought it was kinda lame posting ur apologys on here. but if i cant say it in person without jackking up...thought i would at least let her know that i feel really awful.
today is FEB. so thats good...except for i think im stuck here until 1:40..or until my mom can pick me up. then at 5 i have to go to that pic party with the GODS (laura and sarah beth) and then i think we are going to go driving around or something. whoop-ey
Jenna