yep. im a dumb ass. my girlfriend knows this name now. because im dumb. but she promised not to read it. so .fuck.it. if she reads it, its not my fault. and theres nothing i can do. and im not finding another name *again*. maybe ill even go back to superduper. and make her promise not to read it. hmmm.... well see. anyways, had the best fucking weekend in the world with my girlfriend. shes the best to me. ooh and i bought a bob marley shirt finally (!) and she won a picture of him and let me have it (double !) and yeah. it was just like old times. so fucking happy together. and i didnt even ever wanna get stoned. well once. i think my brain realized id been so happy and it weirded me out. on top of that i can now spend the night at her house. and did two nights in a row. and on top of that... sex was GOOOD! i liked et. heheh. i dont know what happened. but its totally cool. and i love her. and wanted to keep SEXing her. hehe. oh so emily wants to grow her hair out. i think she saw my jrnl entry. i wish she knew that i love her to death tho and i totally dont care. its just fun to have a girls sometimes. but i would never want to change a thing about her. but i am excited to have her hair grow out :-P i just wanna play with it cuz i dont have anyone i can do that with besides dezi and she has shitloads of hair :-P anyways, caitlins actually happy with her girlfriend to full extent. yay. oh god but then one night i cried starring out her window. it sent memories piercing through my brain. just remembered laying there in the night. looking up at the night sky and longing for it with all i had. i didnt want to be where i was then. i wanted to night sky to swallow me up. and it made me cry to remember that. but i fell asleep listening to bob. so life is good.