im so tired of negativeness. why dont you just clear your mind and just enjoy. i wish we all enjoyed everything more. incadentally, im getting that swirly caught up feeling. you know where you just dont stop to think, and you just do because you know you have to? i feel like that. and i feel like when i stop im going to cry. its terrible. i have to keep on spinning for a while. i feel weird. i dont know how i feel. maybe its part of the swirlyness. but i dont know how i feel and i cant figure it out, so im just waiting for my feelings to surface. i start to miss it. but oh man would it be hard to come back. real hard. at night it sounds beautiful, but during the day it sounds like a stupid silly dream. and then we walk of campus and it could really work again. i dont want anything to work. i dont want a set of rules and someone to map out what we should be doing. we can build or we can dissintegrate. at least i know what ever happened happened naturally, and without us trying to force it another way. i cant wait for your birthday kiss.