how come those who never cry nearly have heartattacks when they do? and how come faces look so young when theyre sticky wet? and how come when your sure you know what you want, you end up never really being sure of what youre doing? what the hell am i doing? i feel terrible, horrible. it seems like i used to have just what i needed, and now ive got no kind of support. i feel like when i really do need a hug, theres no one there i can hug. and when im weak, theres no arms to collapse inside of. maybe im trying to make a cry for help because i havent felt like this in years. years that i thought id overcome. maybe id spit on you if you tried to help. its funny how all the support you really dont want, you really really need when youre at home alone. i think when youre with people, your just afraid to admit that its not all laughter and smiles. i wish i could explain why i feel the way i do, or even how i feel. i wish i could explain anything. i dont know what to do. i feel more alone than i have in so long. without even a best friend to hug. a tear just ran straight down the middle of my neck. that was the most beautiful feeling ever. one day ill feel better. until then, theres sick days. maybe if im cool enough ill take them. theyll dig a nice deeper pit for myself.