so my mom picked me up tonight. with my dad and the neighbors in the car. not much room. my mom decided she really needed chocolate so we drove by every liquor store, and finally got to an open gas station where my mom ran in and ran out with a handful of candy bars and a huge gaping grin on her face. and on the way up to the house, car full of drunk 50 year olds, i realized, this is me and my friends, so called partying, times about 45 years. i see myself in my mom sometimes. its funny how the depressed crazy one of the family turned out to be the funnest one too. i also thought about the whole "you only get one chance" thing. what if my chance is gone? and then, what if the past few years have been wasted and what if i did something different and it would have made everything so much more better. but i guess i shouldnt think like that. we always want things to be better. and things are pretty good. im getting a job at referance over summer. i just spent my whole next week's food & weed money on a couple of tops and a flower pin. but im going to get a job there. and i will be able to drive. i will buy lots of cute clothes, lots of weed for special occasions aka laughing with kelamie, and whatever random things anyone feels like buying at gas stations or target. and ill drive to your house. and well party the way we never did but always should have. the future can be so reassuring.