so today afterschool i had another one of those outbursts. the ones where i cry uncontrolably for absolutely no reason at all. ive been doing that more often and more often. and it makes me hate myself everytime simply because i have those outbursts. today i felt like i had popped too many pills again or something like that. or popped pills and then realized i didnt really feel like being all... pilly. i couldnt ride the bus home because i was too upset over... nothing. i wish i could explain them. i feel bad for emily who has to watch me and not understand what the fuck is wrong with me. my deepest appologies, novia. i felt ugly today. maybe its cause my skirt kept slipping. but there were a many moments when i felt really stupid. yuck. BUT, i had the greatest 4th period ever because we watched this science video. and it starts out with this amazingly bad 80s synthesizer music and then a really boring man talks. BUT it continues and they show a man with his hair standing up and then he does an experiment for us. he grabs a "rod" and starts rubbing "fur" on it. slides the fur up and down the "rod" and then tells us how hes going to place this positively charged rod in between two balls and watch how the balls move. fucking hillarious. it even looked funny when they showed it. and everytime we stopped laughing to get over our immaturity, we heard "charged balls" and "the balls move towards each other" and all that wonderful stuff. man, i think i feel a little better. i got home and put on all my soft terri cloth pajamas and sweater and my fuzzy slippers and ate spaghetti. ahhh, that sounds nicer than it was. oh yay. more drama tomorrow and tuesday. kiss me, im a poet.