so today i found out that emilys mom decided that it was humane to read emilys diary. and now we are forbidden to see each other. her mom insists on calling my parents and telling them the deal too. the thing is... im not at all scared about my parents. i dont know why. i just know that ive got my shit together whether or not i sniffed things up my nose a couple times. i still have almost all a's and im keeping track of my life and not letting anything else get in the way of what i know i need to be healthy. i feel good. and so what makes it a mistake that i got high? i didnt allow myself to push the addictive feeling, and honestly, i think a big hunk of why i can do shit like that and stay healthy is because of emily. so by preventing us from seeing eachother... i just dont know. its almost like pulling a chair out from underneath you when you least expect it. i admit, i am scared for life without so much of her. but i think im expecting that someone will loosen up with the rules. its not nice to take life support away from someone. ill live without her if i must, but ive got to say it will be a million times harder to keep everything up without her there to be my background support. im not sure how to feel. my parents do not know. ive yet to get to talk to them when they know. so maybe thats why im so stable right now. because they dont know. but i... i dont know. i just think that i live in a pretty mature family. i cant say that i didnt, so theres no lying. ill just tell it how it is. maybe im just naive. maybe im a little more mature. id really like to call that girl right now. but im scared of her unlawful mama. one of my first reactions to the news was how much i hated her mom for reading her stuff. i dont know where i stand now. i think i need to talk to my sanity.