Today at rehearsals I drew for the first time in a while. It felt good. It started with my shoe, then grew into a leg, and suddenly there was a skirt and another leg. I told myself I would begin writting and drawing again... and I drew. But I don't think I can write. Not past the internet. My capabilities have been pretty limited lately. Can't have sex, can't act, can't write. I'm trying to start trying. What a concept. I'm lonely. I'm surrounded by so many happy things, and so many great people, yet when the day ends and I'm on my way home from rehearsals, all I can feel is how lonely I am. The dark sky always makes me lonely now. I'm lonely, I haven't been touched in so long, I haven't been loved in so long, yet I can't let anyone touch me and I sure as hell am scared to be loved. I'm smoking less weed, doing more homework, giving more effort in everything. I talked to Brianne today at rehearsals. It was nice to really talk to someone like her. Easy going. I feel better when I share how I feel. I talked to Sarah this morning too. Same kind of stuff. But it really does make it easier if I can open my mouth and my mind every now and then. I guess this is goodnight because I have nothing more to say.