It's amazing how intense dreams can be. Last night in my dream I broke down crying and screaming that I hated someone so much. When I know that hate is strangely very connected to love. The opposites theory. So was I screaming that I loved someone? No, that doesn't quite work for me. But I had curled into a ball. It was painful, uncomfortable. Brittany and her dad stood above me, hugging and wondering what was wrong with me. Oh and there was another part. I was supposed to be at a camp for musicals with a bunch of kids from schools. And I didn't go to half of the workshops. And all I wanted to do was spend tons of money on everyone. Musicals depress me. The commercials on TV. I want to cry or die or sneeze everytime I see one on TV. Seeing them live makes me feel alive, I love it so much, but sitting at home watching commercials for them makes me feel awful. I hate liking something so much. Give me some spark baby. Sometimes all I can think about is how I want to be loved and I want to love and all that. But I know that no one's going to love me if I'm not happy by myself. I'm sure someone will pop up just when I don't need them. So my goal? To not need anyone. Not that I desperately need someone now, I'm just a little lonely. I'm going to become me again. Love me again. Work for me again. And maybe then I'll actually refuse someone. I'll give you some spark baby.