i almost talked to her yesterday. she was by our table. i almost talked to her. i didnt. i almost talked to her at lunch. she was all by herself for once, walking in my general direction. i almost talked to her. took a breathe, decided to say hi and how have you been and end with a hug. good ol' small talk. i walked straight towards her and then swerved around when her friend met up with her. i almost said hi to her. i guess after a while it's just too much of a while and you start to miss... everything. ive been missing everything. desparatly miss scotland. miss san francisco. miss her. and i almost said hi to her. i dont see what the big deal is. i dont know why its so hard for me to do it. i guess theres still little shy caitlin in there somewhere. maybe one day ill say hi. yesterday i was in the pissiest mood because i was going to sleep at emilys house and my sister calls and says shes 5 minutes away. my mom kept on going on about how i forgot. i hate that im always the last one to know anything. i never used to know where my dad was until i aksed and my mom would say "oh he flew to _________ (fill in the blank) didnt i tell you?!" yeah so i guess tonight also we're going to Laberge. thanks tegan. shes the one who tells me everything. she looked at a picture of me and emily that was on my bedside table and said "when is your guys' anniversary?" it was so ironic when i said "today." so tonight we're going out to dinner. my family and i. not emily and i. im trying to figure out what emily and i can still do. i guess we could go out for an evening meal or lunch or something and finish our day the next day. man, this anniversary isnt working so perfect. i guess that makes sense, though. our anniversary shouldnt be perfect considering how tough the year has been. i guess its a taste of what there was. my sisters brushing my matted hair. its nice. im going to go now. adios muchachos.