i think im pmsing. i havent felt this ugly. this fat. this stupid. in so long. im usually happy with myself. cover up my love handles, make my appearance satisfactory so that i can learn to enjoy other aspects of life. but this whole self-image thing really sucks. i hate that everyone is always so fucking skinny. with such great willpower. and they look so wonderful. and im sitting here thinking about everything id like to eat right now while im tugging at my jeans, pulling them up to cover what i dont like. i wish i loved myself again. i was so comfortable with who i was for a while. i liked my brain, i learned to deal with my body. but i cant stand it when i stand next to all those girls with skinny bodies. and i hate it so much when someone tells me im skinny. its like theyre just telling me something. and i hate thinking that someones just lying to me. it makes me feel even fatter. like ive got this chunky floppy body, and theyre too embarassed to forget about it so they just tell me im skinny or thin or have a good body or whatever so i wont realize what i look like. i hear all these things about girls being upset because theyre 130 lbs like thats a fucking gigantic monster. try being on the verge of 150. and always eating. and being incapable of keeping any sort of diet longer than a day. well im back to it. im conscious of what i eat. i need to get back in the state of mind that i was in. i cant believe everything that ive been eating. ive been making myself full. thats no good. i cant stuff myself silly anymore. i hope to god that i can form this body into something. ha. i dont think itll ever work. foods my favorite thing ever. and bud. so what now. i love munchies. they make me shit. ooh la la how fun does that sound.