its weird how most days you rarely have any real thoughts. you go through your day and all that matters are actions and not thoughts. today afterschool i had so much happy energy. i wanted to hang out with someone. i couldnt find anyone. so i rode the big yellow bus home. and i walked down my road. and i was so engaged in these weird, almost meaningless thoughts. all the bushes and plants looked gray, the road was gray, everything seemed gray. it seemed like i had neglected to accept that i live on this road. and i had dissowned it. and then i realized how many millions of times i have walked down this road in the exact same manner, switched sides of it at the same spots, and looked at the same mundane things. it made me feel like ive been pretending to have all this joy when really i belonged on this road, and this road was mad at me because i was pretending i was better than it when i still lived on it and i was just pretending to not see it. they were few very odd thoughts. i almost cried walking up my driveway. and then my cat snuck up on me in the same spot shes been going to lately and this time i pretended not to see her and she meowed. that made me very happy. but wow its amazing how much we can think some days when other days nothing like that could ever cross your mind. it was really a depressing walk home. i think i just wanted to be somewhere else. and i felt kind of like there was nothing real in my life. fucking creepy. i hate it when i think too much. on another note, i was thinking about how so many people lately have been commenting on how i use color in my outfits. ("your not afraid to use color" "you pull off lots of colors well" etc).. and then i thought... who the hell would i be if i didnt use color??