I dunno. I really don't. My stomach still hurts and I don't think my sleeping and eating habits are the best. My parents enlisted me with some shrink, but I think she's the insane one. I refuse to go. I am okay. If I keep telling myself that, maybe I really am. Matt's having stomachaches about midday everyday. Lea and Diane have to give him 12 cc Betamine injections, and those seem to help. Except he shouldn't be in pain. The vet thinks he has gastric ulcers and gave us some Semitadine for it. 22 tablets, three times a day. How lonely it is to be a horse and sick. I feel like screaming and yelling for a long, long time until nothing is left and I am an empty shell. I hate myself like this. I want to go out and ride my bike with the people i thought were my friends, I want to still believe they're my friends, I want to order ice cream from the ice cream truck and get it all over my tshirt and have my mom just smile and shake her head at me when she sees the mess. In other words, I want to be seven again. No such luck. I'm stuck with myself, and I need to learn to deal with it. I'm very pathetic. SHAPE UP, LILI! I think I'm learning---really, I do. Going through the motions of living like a normal person again isn't as easy as it looks. I think I need a nap. Or three. Lena, I'm sorry with all of my heart, but I can't write like this. Or my writing will be very scary and I don't like it that way. I'll keep trying, though. Ugh. I think I hate how I am.