Giving up sometimes works, I guess. The thing is is that I can't do it anymore, and by that I mean I absolutely cannot stand the horrible way everything feels when I'm not around him. It makes me feel weak, and it makes me feel desperate. Don't you even start in on me that oh youve never felt about a crush like this or any of that fucking crap, because you are absolutely drop dead kiss-my-ass wrong. I don't fucking "love" Grant, because "love" is something that happens between two mature people and Grant is in no way mature--I can't even speak for myself yet. He is a little boy who is changing everything I became friends with him for because of some stupid group of suck up rich so called Peachtree City "royalty" that wouldn't even give him a second glance if he suddenly voiced how much he liked, oh, i don't know, Harry Potter or something like that aloud. Yeah, well, here's a fucking news flash, Grant:I'm the only person whos known who you were both years and liked the dorkier you better, and I'm the only fucking person who'd never stab you in the back or lie to you or keep a secret from you, even if it means I have to stand in front of you and proclaim during zero period that I, Liliya Plotkina, am not only the weakest link BUT AM ALSO completely smitten with you, and make a complete idiot out of myself. I can't even stay goddamned mad at you, and you know it. You know it! You're going to wake up one day and realize you have exactly NO friends, and then you're going to feel sorry that I ever had reason to rant in a fucking public online diary like this and that I ever gave up on being something or someone good enough for you, because you know what? I know I'm never going to be pretty, skinny, long nailed, tall, sweet, humorous, popular, etc for you! I give up trying, because I'm wonderful the way I am, and I don't have to put up with shit from anybody, not even you. Not even you. And to think I fucking actually thought you didn't care about stuff like that! To think I've spent two years lying to myself when the truth was right in front of me! To think that even you keep pretending like everything's the same when really, you've just made the biggest mistake of your sophomore year! Well I say good. I say I don't care. And I say that I'm through with pining for you, because I am sick of needing and wanting and just being kicked in the rear.