I have a repetitive song list. That's good. My day was bad. I lost my agenda somewhere between art and health. I will miss it. Farewell, oh handy agenda. You served me well for the three days I had you. I also fucking missed my bus. And then got yelled at by my dad for doing so. And then got yelled at for cursing too much. This school hurts my eyes. I walk through the halls with eyes wide shut so I can close away all the angular, sharp, hard-on-your-eyes-with-all-the-makeup-and-hateful-featured people. The walls are too gray, my books too old. I am restricted by nothing but a blue plastic chair and a room ten degrees too cold. I cried today because I felt hopeless and lost. How can I do it? Why do I do it? And I remembered one time when I ran the mile in under six minutes and my coach asked how come I ran fast now and not for the three years he's known me and I said "To prove to myself I can." And why did I take the twenty five minute tread wate swim test when I perfectly well know I swim like a rock, they wanted to know. I set my things down and tied back my wet hair, my face flushed and triumphant. "Because I can." One day I'll stand up there in my graduation robes, my face calm and serene, my medal around my neck, my speech in my hand prepared. And I'll rip that speech in two, toss it at my feet. I'll look at that crowd and say it proudly: "Do it not because they want you to. Do it not because you must. Do it to prove to yourself you can." Roll my window down Feelin like I'm gonna drown in this strange town... Feel broken down... I feel broken now.. And I'll walk away forever. They do not even begin to comprehend the tiniest portion of me. I would shock you. I rode my Matt pony today. Everyone should have a Matt. Thank you for shitty days with happy endings, Lord.