i can't believe my disluck. unlike my usual nature, i have been unable to slither away. he doesn't want me. he wants her to shut up, and he is willing to sacrifice me to do it. what does he care? maybe all he does care about is screwing. but if that's so true then whyohwhy does he waste time with little caresses, kisses, touching my hair and telling me he loves me? whyohwhy can't i get over the soft feeling of his hair through my fingers and whyohwhy do i feel so betrayed and scared? I have lain in bed all night, just staring at the ceiling, frightened and cold to the bone. i think about his anger and i want to vomit at her sudden change of heart. i want pills pills pills, to make me just drift peacefully about and never care again. i dont honestly have a preference anymore as to what side of the line im on...i am tired....i want to sleep forever...