I had the worst morning ever. And then I was wandering around the halls during lunch and I saw him! Can you say "Instantly better"? Yes. Well, I've said a few things about this Grant guy, I guess...but it just catches me off guard when I see him, like, whoo, it's Grant, is that Grant? And I don't spend my hours pining, or sitting by the phone, or scheming to get a date, or anything, but when I'm around him I feel at ease, and content, and myself. Whenever I'm around him my whole focus changes: I want to make him smile, laugh, get that twinkle going in his eyes, I've started to judge the goodness of my days on how often I say hello to him! (And that's just silly, ugh.) I want his acceptance so bad, I want him to like me and want to be around me and I secretly wonder if he thinks I'm pretty. I forget that he's shorter than me, I forget about The Guidelines, I forget that I'm shy and quiet--all my focus goes ZIP! and man, I am so hooked. I think about him for hours after I see him, but I don't lust or anything. I'll just think of his smile, or his eyes, and I want that smile to be just for me, so I can keep it and treasure it inside my heart forever and take it out on blue days to brighten up the room. It's funny, but I don't obsess, I'll wake up the next morning and be the same old Lili, but if I see him after lunch I'm transformed. I want him to call me on the phone once...just once! Oh man, I would stop biting my nails if it happened! But unlike other crushes, I haven't begged my friends to tell him, or not tell him, or to trick him into calling me, I want him to like me for who I am and what I feel more badly than I want to impress him by wearing something nice or doing my hair just right. It would be such a wonderful and happy thing for me if he called me because he wanted to call me! But it's just a crush, I know it. It'll pass, right? God, I don't want it to pass. I wish I was dainty, and not so huge.