I hate quitters. Wish I could prove I love you but does that mean I have to walk on water? When we are older you'll understand it's enough when I say so and maybe, some things are that simple... Mom and I need to decide between the Camden, SC show and the Gulf Port MS show in the spring. I wish I was rich so I could go to both. I wish I was a size two with stick straight hair, a graceful neck, smaller breasts and longer legs. The shame that engulfs me every time I pronounce this is almost enough to make me want to crawl in a miserable little hole and die, but it's like a drug, I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop wishing for something that would never be good for me. I can't help hoping that somehow, some way, someday, somebody's going to look at me and think I'm beautiful. When I look in the mirror, all I see is pride and avarice and two eyes with imperfect lines around them and a face with permanent laugh lines around the mouth and two brown eyes that aren't even that great and stupid brown hair that goes everywhere. I see a neck that's too short to allow me to wear dangly earrings because then I look like a stump. I see a mouth that will probably never be able to show a single seductive expression in its entire life. I'm sick of being Girl, Interrupted, just like that lame book they used to make us put on our reading lists in fourth grade. I hate that I can't get a tan without burning and I hate it god damn it I fucking hate it when people lie to me so I won't feel bad. Saki wo mitooshi sugi nante Imi no nai koto wa yamete Kyou ha hishii mono mo tabeyou yo Mirai wa zutto saki da yo Boku ni mo wakaranai Kansei sasenaide Motto yokushite One scene zutsu totte Ikeba ii kara Kimi to iu Hikari ga watashi no scenario Utsushidasu