i can see myself when i have things to drink. I am probably not very attractive--I can see myself with red spots high on my cheeks, unhealthily pale, my eyes glassy and unhappy and above all else angry that i couldnt think through it without pouring alcohol down my throat. disappointment sets in. lili why do you do these things. denial. i am not doing anything dumb. anger. why the hell not. ffhrgvvhvehrvbh what the hell is my fucking problem sometimes anyways. maybe if i drank more i would loosen up and not be such a tightwad.