I've got it all But i feel so deprived I go up I come down And I'm emptier inside My mom's been making little comments about my body. Not outright, like "You're fat" or "you're ugly" but snide little things, like when we were watching tomb raider she said "Don't you wish you looked like her? Maybe you would have a boyfriend if you did." Why does she do this? I've just recently gotten comfortable with my body image, and now she's kind of...making me feel really ugly on the outside. I don't even know if she realizes she does it, but it hurts. I'm not fat. It's okay if I've got a little extra, right? I mean, I'm not even overweight, far from it, I just carry a little more around the waist is all. But in my opinion, I still have a pretty good figure...Not supermodel, but average, normal girl. Why is it that the minute everyone realizes you're growing up there's a mad scurry to mold you into something else? After I told my mom to stop making those comments--I was nearly in tears, they really do sting, coming from your own mother--she said why don't I go play tennis? because I'm good for nothing anyways. And then she tried to be all dramatic and paused and then said "Don't you think it's nice to be good at something, Lili?" Wow. Talk about a slap in the face. It makes me want to just die. Is that what you think of me, mother? Are you purposely here to make this return to the real world harder for me because I'm not you? I'm like the rock that sits for centuries on a ledge, beaten by the waves and wind and sands, and slowly wearing away to nothing but smiling as I die. Things I'm good at: 1.) riding 2.) singing 3.) art..? 4.) fake crying 5.) in reference to four, acting 6.) putting things into short term memory 7.) cracking my knuckles 8.) Not knowing what to say I hate it because she's right. I hate it because I can't do anything. I give up.

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When I think about the future I get nauseous...especially when i think about tomorrow, monday, and especially when i think about finals. and when i think about my 1-3rd period teacher's faces i just want to cry.