Have you ever been walking along, or lying in bed right before you really wake up, and suddenly think, "Oh my God, I have no idea what the hell I am doing here, or what I want to do with my life, or where it's even heading right now." ? Yeah, well, it happened to me today. I mean big time. i was riding today and getting fucking nowhere and all I could feel as Harrison kept telling me to put my heels down and sit back was that nasty lousy feeling of knowing that i suck and I don't even know what I want to do with myself yet, and I'm a sophomore in high school! Everyone but me seems to have a purpose...where's mine? Do I really want to be a large animal vet? Maybe I want to be a radiologist, and make money so I can still ride as a hobby? Where do I have any talents plainly seen? Nowehere, that's where. I'm a little proficient at a little bit of everything, but I'm not good at any one thing. Not at all. It's pathetic, really. How do I expect to have my parents pay for four-eight years worth of college is I don't even know what the hell my purpose in life is? WHat I was born to do, I mean, what my design is for and something that was tailored just for me. I don't want to be a drifter all my life. I don't want to be poor, but the things I like to do all have careers that lean towards that. Everyone keeps telling me dont be a vet dont be a vet but nobody ever tells me why not, and I just want to make everyone happy and make myself happy as well, which is impossible, and ive got papers due in history english chemistry and i need to fill out my AP applications and start to ride hard every day so i can get in shape for the college bound show and god, i just want to die. I dont remember feeling this lousy about myself for a long time, not ever since the whole incident. And now, now I learn that he's getting out soon. Great, huh? I just want to die, and I'd probably be doing the world a favour by getting rid of another useless freeloader. Yeah and Hannah Lee is taking four AP classes. Bully for you, Hannah Lee. I hope you're successful. I sincerely am jealous of you, and am damn not afraid to admit it. I'm so disgusted with myself!!!!!!!!!!!