I hope it helps you to find your way I went to loving you to dying because of you to not believing at all. I'm my normal self again. not the girl in love not the girl heatbroken the girl who doesnt believe in love at all. am I content? I feel so shafted so dumb. This whole thing with emily is killing me and I want Clint to die. to go away. to leave. good thing he did. I got something I wished for. but...I'm so hurt by this. yet...not so surprised. not like aubree was. I never felt real appreciated by Em when clint was around. and he was always around. she never really...seemed to care about me. and the things killing me. just clint. is that how i am? just...telling people who dont care about something stupid/cute landen did? well, I would be in denial if i said no. whatever. I just never felt like I could talk to her. she told me all about clint. I knew his everymove, his every action. but when I really wanted to talk. when she came and rescued me from home the night of heartbreak...she conforted me. but talked about him again. gosh.. I'm glad you're gone. I want you to be gone. possesive stupid. not even cute. scrawny. ... please...just let me not like someone! and not feel bad! just let me...be mad! Lauren isnt...here anymore. I guess she found less loser friends. I was shunned. shunned for dear life. because I dressed funny. because I danced in my seat because I said hi to the cute kid in the hallway because my hair wasnt perfect or my face was distorted or my boyfriend was the biggest loser on earth. It didnt matter. we once had a phone call. she talked about 'being cool' and how badly she wanted to be 'popular' I played along. saying how cool and fun it would be to actually be known by people... whatever... Aubree decided my friends were over dramatic so she let me hang out with her group tonight. I love my best friend. Mum bought me something to make my dress modest. pretty modest kirsten always shining. someone commented how they absolutly love my smile. I do not know why Its big. and when i smile it takes over my face. my tongue waggles out. and my nose scrunches up. my toes are cold and I need you tonight please stop by my window tonight. kiss me on the forehead and make me go "ohoh" please...just for once kirsten...try to be normal. mum said i was just lacking maturity. its why no one wants to date me. thank you mom. there goes my luck of a guy liking me for me and not my hot bod. or...something like that my fantastic smile ...heh. Eric told me i was short. shorter than 70% of all the other girls. thank you eric. theres another reason why no one will date me I'm immature my smile is too fantastic and I'm short. thank you. heh! knowing the way it always turns out. everyone is oging to be asking me out. and I'll get so tired. I'll just...be content at where i am. not gonna cry tonight.