So much has happened these past days. mmmm...I feel calm even though something else has fallen apart. It's just sad. I can't even be around my best friend anymore! Because she's so sick. And her dad stopped by and told my mom. We can't even get close. And there's nothing I can do. I had a dream about her. She was running from something, but she stopped by. man oh man, I miss her so badly. "will someone strum away" These are the moments fear cannot overtake me. Even when it's all I feel. I feel as if the world is always going so fast and I'm stuck in the middle getting dizzy. will I ever see her again? well... homecoming was amazing. mmm... yeah, I liked it. should I go into detail? hmm. we went ice skating just me and him. it was so much fun! oh man! we laughed so hard together. I love him being with him when it's just me and him. horrid I know, but you'll get over it. Then the whole getting pretty and being pampered was great too. I even have a picture of his reaction when I walked in the room. hmm! I had so much fun. and eating dinner in a trailor was definetly different. And... he held my hand and my head found its way to his shoulder. he smelt so good. for a whole night he was all mine. cheesey, I know. But, for a moment... hmm... and last night when I talked to him it was blissful. I'm glad he understands my standards. yeah... I feel really good about it. so today was pretty good. Until band. The first time I hated miss madsen. I was so thirsty and dying. ahghghaghahg! I was so glad to get out of there. I'm getting a lot done. I know the opener now. I must practice the closer more, gah! I don't know the new part either. yikes. in a week is parents night, but it will be okay. woo, breathe. we'll work something out. I hope tomorrow we can put in a visual. I love band. I love it. today whats his face said "knowledge is power" it was neat. he said our problem was confidence. know our spot, know our part it will all be good. he said we'll win. yeah, we better. It's like what me and aubree talked about last night. it was neat. her friend told her she knows she can do it. just do it and stop caring about what other people think. I need to remember that one because people really suck. or the people in my head whom I pretend are saying nastly things about me. its so late, I need sleep. tomorrow's a long day. yes, no work! yayayay! goodnight. ps Spencer probably will get his call tomorrow. He asked me to write to him. oh, how I've loved him. it's patriots day. channel 1 was good today. I stayed after class to finish watching it. I loved it. I love this country. And yes, I love bush. That's right, lil' kirsti thinking for herself. sometimes I allow myself to like me.