I'm going to New York! yay! It seems like it isnt so, so quickly it happend. I'm scared to ride the plane by myself. I don't know if this is right. maybe I will ponder that fact. It was a lovely day. first day of work, I didnt screw up too bad, the girls I feel like I've known forever. "no chance, no way I wont say it nono" this song reminds me of sara, I miss sara so much. I'm scared diary... scared of a lot of things...yikes. oh no. oh no. nono no... "and we end like this" loooking at eachother with his arms around me. NO! no... I will just stop thinking about it. stop pushing repeat on the song. stop with the images in my head. stop with the way he looks at me. no! no. so, yes. new york!? can you believe it? It seems too good to be true, it prolly is too good to be true. I've learned not to get my heart set on things. I'll be flying to pheonix thursday night flying into new york friday morning meeting Ellen saturday morning and playing saturday night. I'm nervous. I dont think this is right. I'm scared. I dont think I should go. but then I do. but I dont see the point of missing my chance again. I hate it when she's jealous of me. tomorrow is the banquet. man oh man. I hope I don't sit a lone. I found myself a lone or intruding someone else's group a lot in band. I dint like it. sigh. well, what can you do. I have to shave my legs tomorrow night. I have skating tomorrow! yes! so, change is happening once again. I love it. I love that I cry because I"m so happy. I love the light in her eyes again, diary! she's glowing, everyone can tell. I love it, the truth. she believes now. I love it. I talked to bro low about it. he said she's glowing. I love you emily, you're my hero. I love my hero. "you're way off base I wont say it..." I'm actually enjoying the chase... oh, please... let me not get hurt. again. I'm so afraid of relationships. of being sad all the time. I love life. and all its tricks. I love the light in her eyes. I miss my drama friends.