mmm... grades... I don't want to do anything right now. just sleep. tomorrow is the end, I don't think I can make it. It will be sweats and t-shirt day tomorrow. haha... I went to the thingy for band today. It was nice. realized how wonderful it is to be in the lower class. at least we like eachother. A are so mean... well most. ami and kaylee and meg are nice. and marci and robyn. I'll leave the boys out... they're nice. fine, they're all nice sometimes. just today they really...pissed me off? yeah. I just don't think it's that funny when people make fun of other people. It was fun to play. I got to introduce. (I really have no speaking skills) I looked at my feet the whole time i was talking. yeah... then on the way home miss spendlove bought me a burger from wendies. it was really nice of her. I'm such a softy. then too mean to landen. then....lazy to do school work. really... um, I went to my pageant meeting. I'm realloy not cut out for this. I dont know where I'll come up with the money to get a nice dress and hills. but...I want to do it so bad! be in a ...show off...on a stage! plus I will have an escort! a "hot one" says sister hoggan. I have to walk on the ramp in my dress. have a personal interview. have a luncheon with the judges! ah, me and bree bust when the lady said "you are all winners" hahhha...what am I getting myself into? hmm. tomorrow is my last day of chemistry. ah...happy day! I have to stay after to finish two tests. get better scores to rise my grade to a c. its now a d. man oh man... today in band was fun though. kaylee came in. haha. and I stood up for jerry. we're kind of focusing on playing right instead of technique right now. taylor and jerry are both quitting. what am I going to do? I love taylor, he talked to me the whole way up to the band thing. malcolm and me and kaylee gave ourselves tattoos with zebra gum. I sat next to malcolm. we had our moments. he kept the paper with my speared-used tattoo on it. haha. he's really cute. and he laughs at all my really stupid jokes. mmm... at least he's staying in band. :) It's so stupid how they were mean to that girl. i mean...her skirt was way short but still! and the fact that they were yelling things out the window. ohmygoodness... ahem. it will be better. hey, i got 3 free tans at mirour image. haha...like I'll ever use it. I like my skin thank you. anyways...there's homework to be done. sleep to be...slept? whatever. it WILL get better. tomorrow we're having a party in seminary. I reeally do love Kaylee D. now. I think she's so...pretty inside and out. I'm glad i got to know her. andy saw bedont today. it made me said to hear it. but glad to know he's out in the world. which means he's alive. which means he really did exist. and I'm not all the crazy. mmm... talking about it with mr. Murri (my lover) makes me feelall..i dont know. I'm glad he tries to understand. I really like andy. except when we talk about getting married. we talk like of course it's going to happen. haha, who knows... I'm not focusing on that right now. It's just now...and getting trhough one more day. then TAINA! and maybe I'll invite malcolm to a movie night. but not here. he'll never lookat me again. but it's so beautiful when the boy smiles... haha... it's going to be great. good. alright. good. fine. alright. we're going to make it through. and there will be light at the end of the tunnel again. soon. just come back...