It's been a lovely day, really lovely. nothing less. I'm hoping to find that song "these things I'll never say" by Avril Lavigne. so I can listen to it, of course. I relate to it a lot, i guess. never saying the things that go through my mind as I pass that cute boy in the hallway. I know it really doesnt matter because maybe there is no chance. but, there might be. this song also... makes me think I need to be quiet. scaring skooter away. He looks at me and shakes his head. mmm... but every girl in my family have or will like a creech. no denying that. I guess there's a lot of boys I wish I could have, talk to, not annoy. I did have a dream last night that andy murri gave me a hug. lame, I know, but these things do matter. Landen was forced to hug me on friday. I was hoping Leza wouldnt see. I don't want her to go through what I went through. Not ever knowing if what he said or did was...true. but, I know now it was. (I think *shifty eyes*) I hope she doesnt hate me. or think I'm all high and mighty over her.because that is lame. It doesnt matter what she told me in disney land about her and landen's "affar" while we were still...going. at least things are sorted out now. ** I have tendenitis, I should tell Matt. he'll be proud of me and himelf for diognosing me with the problem. "maybe it's drumminitis...hahah...ha." this weekend I saw my bree. I brought her bumblebee tuna to congratulate her on her becoming drama's historian. she wanted it really bad, and I know she'll be there for me if I make wind ensamble percussion. I want it badly. I didnt make the line...and I'd be crushed if I didnt make this. I want to feel I went somewhere with this percussion. I felt so stupid on saturday. landen walking around knowing what he was doing. and me being the banner carryer for the 3 year. I started to cry watching my drumline practicing and knowing I could of made it, but I didnt. not feeling excepted there at all. I'll be a senior and a rooky. lol, which will be entertaining and humiliating all at the same time. I just wanted to be in it all, now. I mean, It's meant for me to be in the pit. I guess. and I will make it the best frickin year ever. even though the last person I talked to who's in the pit is not very excited. but I'll make the freshman excited...either that or kick her out. I have this constant nagging on my mind that no one thinks I can do it. and...you know..probably i can;t and this music will take me no where in life. but it's a love of mine. and I do feel I'm getting better. I got kaceans part down the first time! but,I better give it back to her... sigh. I feel a change coming on...and it's good. thats sorta like that part in Bridge to Terabithia, which I'm doing my speech on. why would they want to ban a book that's so awesomly cool like that. it does hit some hard parts, I've heard. but...that's life. we can't coat it with some sugary sweet stuff. did you know I'm a leader now? how awesomely cool is that. Laural President. and my Rach is my first counselor. I love her so much. aw, she's so sweet. "smile, what's the use of cryin'?"