oh, I'm such a bawl baby, but it felt so good to cry. really nice, actually. I was hanging out with Bree when I suddenly remeberd I had auditions at 4:10. I wasnt prepared at all. mom yelled at me the whole way there about not getting anything done. I was close to tears there...then hearing Matt Clyde sight reading the mallet piece. mmm... I walked into the band room with my head down and almost in tears. Bedont talked to me for a bit about why I was feeling down (mom yelling at me and not practicing at all...no wonder I never will make line...) So I sorta played my mallet piece and he played the snare with me because he knows I like it like that. then he taught me and suggested I take lessons. he told me since I'm the 'pit guy' ( again...) that I should know this stuff. I have to tape up a book, and practice real hard. buy a ment...beeper thingy. man oh man...I don't know why I'm feeling so down about it...just because...I mean, It's my own flippin' fault I never make things because I never practice. man... "faith without works is dead..." was the only thing popping into my head as I sat in the bathroom stall alone and cried. then the hauntings started happening again in the bathroom. I felt sorta comforted that there was something there with me. sigh. I walked home, not wanting to call my mom and hear her nag on me, or have her watch me cry. so I ran home and cried in the bathroom instead. cleaned the front room to make her happy and called my Bree. she cheered me up quick. picked me up and I bought us snow cones. star wars snow cones. don don DON then we went back to her place and ate on the swing by the lilacs and sang and talked about random stuff. and ended up on the grass talking about zoolander. later she took me home. I love her. mmmm. So I felt better and talked to my mom about taking the family out because it's the only family home evening day I'll be home because of work. but...no... I'm trying to have a good attitude! really! just, right now...I don['t want to. so...ha. I felt so stupid, everyone is so...good. I was feeling down again. so...to make my self happy...I text matt. yay. I didnt want him to get the wrong idea or anything about me, so I just said hi. he asked me how I was and such (such a gentleman) mmm. Katie called a few minutes ago appologizing for leaving me, even though it was me leaving her. we were in the seminary building and I saw Breeface walk by so I ran outside to see what she was doing. by the time I got back inside katie was gone... we went into the school to tell her I was walking home .,..but we didnt find her. so, we left her a note on her window. I like katie a lot. mmm! tonight we're having spaghatti and meat balls. mmm, one of my favourites. so. yay for that. "love me, thats all I ask of you" I'm trying to be good, really good. Then the sharp realization today that I really have to doooo something. "a doer, not a hearer" mmmbop. Kacean finaly came back to school today! yayyy! she gave me her batman part, it made me really really happy. I just hope I can play it tomorrow. heee, best part of a bad day....tomorrows guarrenteed better or worse. I want to skate... I want to skate sooo bad. ohmy goodness. this summer i will... working band section leader skating lessons percussion lessons. and playing! going to Batman! well, life is pretty swell I guess. I mean, yes it is. I have a bio test this week and my speech about a book I havent even read. Mrs. Johnson liked my poem a lot about drowning a work in the 3rd grade with susanna beck. haha. mmm I hope I do well. save.