so, I finished up my other jounal a few nights ago. I hate it when I finish. hmm, but I love new...ness. oh man oh man. this whole deal with michelle kwan... I want to cry. not because she's not competing...I mean...It's so amazing how amazing she is. I don;t really understand completely why she dropped out of the olympics. and I really don't want to hear it from anyone else. so...please leave me in my state of ignorance. okay? I never did like hearing about something I love so much from other people who don't understand how much I love it. ha... I love her. so much. and someday I will meet her again. and hug her again. man oh man. best day of my life. met an amazing woman. maybe on my missiion I'll bring her the truth. hehee. oh, journal....I can;t express to you how much I admire her. she... she asked me If I skated. and when she walked away she turned around and smiled and waved after she handed my barbie doll to her body guard. she probably never saw the barbie doll again. who really cares? I love her so. I love the olympics! ahhahahah! where I am the world's greatest! and speaking of that I am so excited for youth conference! me and scott agree that the theme should be something like "go for the gold" or "I have a dream" I'm really sick of the "be the light" theme. I mean...now that we know how to shine our light shouldn't we work for our goals? especially those eternal goals? "I am a giant, I am an eagle, oh I am a lion down in the jungle. I am a marching band, I am the people. I am a helping hand, I am a hero..." man oh man... Today was really good. woke up sad and depressed. journal, I'm getting sick again. I can feel it. my body just isn't working...and I'm only 17! hmm...well I never wanted to live long. ...Tyson... hmmm... Bree told me all about her date and new love. ah, and I'm so excited. laur told me about her weekend. she stopped me in the lunch room and said "I think we're drifting apart." I miss her...so much. I can't even talk to her anymore. I don't know how. I don't know! I miss being crazy and obsessing over the boys. Tim! oh...I miss him too. I hate that ...there's nothing we can really do. man oh man.... journal! gah...why am I expressing my feelings to the whole world? lack of motivation to move my hands into writing. typing is fine. hmm.... I feel good. he smiled at me. I told her how I felt. I cried. we laughed. "and the world will notice a king. when there is darkness I will shine the light..." dad... hmm. I really hope sara is doing alright. I saw her at the dance. (the dance was awesome I may add!) man oh man. tomorrow is valentines day. I really haven't thought about it. I don't know what I'll do. but...there's valagrams! yeeeeha! I guess I'll devote the whole day to love. prancing on my toes spreading rose pedals around...heh. love you more. for all the happiness there is an equal amount of saddness and depression. haha, I tried teaching ali the importance of the law of opposition. I did so while banging on her head. I told her she couldn't be happy until she knew how to be sad. haha! my siblings are such a bore sometimes. I need to spicen them up somehow! "we should be lovers and that's a fact!" ...why can't we all just get along... I feel all girly and cutesy today. in my green sweater and mega lipgloss. ringlets taking over the world. muhahahaahhaahahahhah It is in my hands... "I dust off my pants and whisper...well, my work is done."